A few weeks ago I declared to the handful of readers that I may or may not have that I was back and that the blogs would gush forth like before. Then I wrote nothing for a couple of weeks. What I did finally post was a hackneyed effort at what once was at best. I knew I wasn’t the same writer that I had been before and to be honest I wasn’t sure if that was who I wanted to be again anyway. What I needed was some inspiration and I set out to find some.
I first turned to the not so friendly skies above us but I have railed against the airlines before and the jokes about flying, while they continue to write themselves (too fat, too stinky), are really just the same leftover jokes and let’s face it, leftovers are only good the next day.
I thought about voodoo but when I checked my calendar, it looked like I won’t be heading for Nawlins until late April or early May at the earliest. While you probably wouldn’t miss the blogs, I really don’t want to wait that long to start writing again.
I thought about blaming George W. Bush but I used that joke unsuccessfully in my last blog and if it wasn’t funny the first time, it’s probably not going to be funny a second time. It’s getting overused down in Washington anyway.
Then I thought about going to church and praying for inspiration but that really did seem to me like an awful waste of God’s time. It’s not like he’s not busy with other things. Besides, I every time I walk into my church they expect me to hand them a check. Of course I only really go about once a year anyway so the ratio of visits to checks really isn’t that far off of 1 to 1 so I guess expecting a check when I walk in the door shouldn’t be considered crass but I do consider it to be so anyway.
But being in a religious frame of mind in that moment, I remembered that the Gods of Football had once answered my prayers in their own way by stomping a mudhole in me & my team so I figured that perhaps I should try contacting the Gods of Blogging. Surely this august group of coffee swilling slackers with poor eyesight from staring at their laptop monitors would be able to help me find inspiration.
Now I wanted to make sure that I got their attention in a crowd of other writers with nothing to write about so I grabbed a D List Celebrity from my Twitter Follow List and pitched them into the nearest lava spewing volcano. There was a poof (or was it a wisp ?) of smoke and standing before in all his toga clad glory was one of the Gods of Blogging.
“Dude, you rang ?” he said with obvious annoyance.
“Yes I did. I need some inspiration. I don’t know what to write about.” I replied.
“Write about what you know.” He said in a tone of voice that told me that wasn’t the first time he had used those words.
“But I know nothing.” I lamely responded.
“Exactly and you know a lot of it too !” he said and with a poof (or was it a wisp) of smoke he was gone.
“But…..” I stammered as I quickly grabbed another D List celebrity from my Twitter Follow List and tossed them into the lava spewing volcano in hopes of bringing him back. Alas, the second D Lister went for naught and none of the Gods of Blogging reappeared in my room.
So there we have it, even the Gods of Blogging had nothing to offer me other than to continue on my literary quest to write something out of nothing or was it to write nothing about something or was it to write nothing about nothing because I know I can’t write something about something because that just sounds too much like homework and I never really did a whole hell of a lot of that way back when. Guess we will just have to see what kind of nothing I write about.
And that is the view for now from Behind The Shades…..swampy abides