Stuck in the Virtual Express Lane…again

Here I am once again standing in my Virtual Express Lane counting the items in my cart, counting the items in the carts around me, glancing at the headlines on the gossip magazines, trying to remember what I forgot to get on my list and wondering if I should buy the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups staring up at me from the candy rack while the person at the register struggles with a new roll of tape while someone else tries to write a check for over with a pencil.

Not really but some days do feel like it.

I haven’t written a blog in a long while and I don’t know whether it is because I forgot how to write or that I don’t have time to write or that I have nothing to write about. Then again, I did write countless letters to my daughters at camp so I didn’t forget how to write. I had time to write the letters so I can’t use that excuse either. Finally, I wrote about something different in each letter to the girls at camp so I guess I did find things to write about. None of that is neither here nor there and just taking up space so let’s get to meat of the matter and see what cooking in my cart.

I noticed during a stretch this summer that my belt was starting to shrink in the wash again so I decided 2 weeks ago to go back on Dr. Killjoy’s DIE-t that was so successful for me 3 years ago when I lost Nine Bags of Sugar from my waistline. It was slow at first but then I broke my Elliptical (again) and had to start jogging again.

I hate jogging.

That being said, we are about to depart on a quick 4 days excusion to the Florida Keys and it is my goal to sample, photograph & review every slice of Key Lime Pie I can get in my mouth during the trip. Guess I’ll be jogging most of the way to Key West & back.

Had a chance to play 3 days of Pompous Chest Thumping Man Golf earlier this summer and when our team won, it was left to me to create a victory dish drawing from elements of the weekend. I included Scallops & Bourbon but couldn’t find a single thing to do with the stinky cigars. Considering how much rain we had, the dish was served over Wilted Greens.

Limes are still expensive and I am still buying them.

We discovered a new/old ice cream shop this summer and so far every flavor I have ordered has turned out to be a pie mixed in with the ice cream. Almost as if I was ordering ice cream ala mode with pie. I would post a picture of the Cherry Pie Ice Cream but I don’t know how in the middle of a blog and AR won’t let me at the end of the blog anymore so you will just have to trust me as to how good it looked.

We went to a Food Truck festival the other weekend with 20 Food Trucks. They could have had 40 Food trucks there and I think the lines still would have been 30-60 minutes and they still would have run out of food in the early afternoon.

As I wrote in every letter to my girls this summer, my garden is exploding. The Roma & San Marzano Tomatoes were a failure but everything I have ever planted in that patch of the garden has always stunk. I know where I am focusing my earthly intentions this fall & next spring. My red & yellow cherry tomatoes however are off the charts. There are so many ripe & green tomatoes ripening that when you stare into my “Tomato Jungle” it kind of looks like Jackson Pollack painted a Stop Light.

My wife has been stuffing jalapenos with cheese & wrapping them in bacon all summer and now the habaneros are coming in. Twice as much bacon but more than twice as much heat.

I think God invented ice cream to help people who had spicy food for dinner or lunch. That is my excuse and I am sticking to it.

Did I really see Christmas decorations next to the Halloween stuff at Costco last weekend ?

I watched Food Network Star and didn’t vote for the eventual winner. Lenny seems like a nice guy but he also feels like a one trick pony. Maybe they can squeeze in a season of Fish Out of Water scenarios for him like his visit to the yogurt shop in Chelsea Market ? That I would watch.

My daughters were homesick for camp so we let them cook food like they do at camp for all of us the other night. The burgers were tender on the inside and CHARRED on the outside. Not sure why anyone would miss those.

We are in the final stages of my 3 year dental implant journey and I have to remind myself that Ghost Pepper Sauce & stitches don’t mix. It may have been close to 25 years since I last was able to bite an apple when this whole thing started but it will be closer to 28 years when I finally do take that first bite. I am still thinking Granny Smith though my family is pushing for Honey Crisp.

Finally remembered what I forgot but I am already checked out and headed for the Florida Keys. Guess it will have to wait. In the meantime, I think I will see if I can send my Alligator Chili recipe to the folks in Alabama that caught that 1,000lb Alligator the other day. They may need a few recipes beyond Fried Gator on Stick.


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